Eivissa: How to Get a Free Beach Chair

Growing up in Nigeria, I watched my mom, grandmother and female relatives bargain with abandon. Everything—big or small—was negotiable. Bargaining was a verbal dance, a stroking of egos, a careful mix of petulance and flirtation. Executed well, both sides walked away satisfied—the buyer kept more of her money, and the seller still made a profit and got entertained on what might have been a slow market day. Because of those early experiences I think today I have a fair sense of when, where and how I can cut corners. I love getting a deal. Who doesn't? Rent, credit card interest rates, gym memberships, etc. But oddly sometimes the small items provide the most satisfying victories. What do you think?

The first evening in Ibiza. After waking from a long nap I joined MadameD on the beach five minutes away. (Ahhh, such conveniences....) I grabbed a nearby beach chair. Since I showed up at 5:30p with only an hour and a half left before the chaises got packed away I expected to pay less money. Imagine my indignation when CabanaMan came around and wanted to charge me full price: 6 Euros. I protested.

Cabana Man: I'm sorry, but this is not my policy. I would let you stay but my boss is over there watching.

Me: Really? Point him out to me. I want to talk to him because this policy is kinda unfair. I'm only going to be here for one hour and I don't think I should pay full price.

CM: Yeah, I know, but he's really busy right now and I have to pack everything by seven.

Me: Ok, but I don't want to pay 6 Euros. Let me go talk to your boss. Which one is he?

CM: Uhhhh, he doesn't like to talk to customers. He gets angry if I send people to him.

Me: (Yeah right.) I thought you said he was busy.

CM: Yeah, he is but he also doesn't like to be bothered. He gets mad at me if customers come to him... Look, I'm just trying to do my job.

Me: I know and I admire you for that. But there are other empty chairs all over the place. How about you go pick up those chairs and when you're done you can come back for mine. See?

He paused, looked around, and to my surprise, walked away. Feeling proud of myself I settled back into the chair and figured that I had just bought myself a free hour.

Until 6:05pm....

CM: Umm, I really need to pick up that chair.

Me: (Drats!) You're done already? Are you sure you got all the chairs? (I looked around. He had...) You're fast!

CM: Yes, so it's after six, I have to take your chair.

Me: But I thought you said till seven. Why are you changing the time now?... My friend has paid for her chair, and she has it till seven, right? So come back when she leaves and you can have my chair too. (Darcie, by the way, was snorkeling during this exchange.)

CM: But you didn't pay and I have to take your chair. That guy over there (another CabanaMan nearby) is staying till seven. You can ask him for one of his chairs. He's my friend, he's a real nice guy.

Me: Ohhh, ok.... Weeell, since he's yourrr friend why don't youuu ask him for me?

CM: Just go and ask him. He's nice.

Me: (Whining.) Why are you being so difficult?

CM: I'm not difficult. I just want to do my job. You see that beach all the way over there? I still have to go there to pick up chairs. I've been working since 7 this morning, almost 12 hours. I just want to get out of here.

Me: Really? That's a long day. You must be sooo tired.... Believe me, I don't want to make things hard for you. But why don't you just come back at seven when you have to take my friend's chair, then you can get mine and everyone's happy....

CabanaMan looked around helplessly. At this point, I knew it was only a matter of buttering him up. But how?....

Me: You have such nice teeth.

CabanaMan shook his head. Why today? Why this woman?....

Me: Yes, you do! They're realllly white. Are they natural or do you bleach them?

CM: No, I don't bleach.

Me: That's great! Let me take a picture of you. Can I take a picture of you?

I reached for my camera.

CM: I need to take your chair.

By now, there was not much force behind the words. I could tell he had given up and I was going to keep my 6 Euros. I snapped his picture.

Me: Cool. Here, take one of me....

I handed him my camera. He obliged.

CM: It's a nice picture.

Me: Wow, this is a great shot! Are you a photographer? Do you do photography? 'Cause you've got skills, you know.

I saw a smile. Yes!

CM: Okay, let's make a deal. You tell me how long you'll be here for and I'll come back at that time to take the chair.

Me: (Bingo!) 6:50.

...6:50pm

MadameD and I packed our things. I glanced over across the sand and waved at CabanaMan. He smiled back. I think he enjoyed our dance too.